I’m finding lately that I have been getting stuck in the repetitious hum that resides in my mind. It’s like a sea of thoughts 100 miles wide and a million fathoms deep. Every thought has a line attached to it, leading to an emotion that just hangs there, swaying back and forth with the current. Lately the current has been strong, but unfortunately, it flows in several directions. This has been tangling up my lines of thoughts and emotions; creating a giant mess. Have you ever been fishing? If you have, then you understand what it’s like to cast your line out into the water and suddenly your reel is filled with a bird’s nest of fishing line! That’s what’s been happening inside of me lately!
Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety. It rears it ugly head about once every couple of months. I made a decision, some time ago, to treat my symptoms holistically. The medication that I was on previously had some pretty severe side effects and I also found that it numbed me out. It was as though I was only part myself. No lows and no highs. The dark recesses were much lighter, but I also had no moments of joy. It was as though my emotions were covered up under a layer of sludge. I also had very little conversation with Spirit. The “channel” was turned off.
I feel fairly certain that as my connection and awareness grows, my mind wants to make sense of it all. It is having difficulty merging the transcendent side of me with the every day mundane tasks, as well as my work related responsibilities. Hyper analyzing EVERYTHING around me in great detail and speed. I feel like I see everything, hear everything and feel myself as well as other’s emotions. It’s like I’m a giant nerve in a stadium full of people!
For many years, mediation has been a practice for me. What I have found is that there are many different kinds of meditation, as well as intensities. Meditation has always been on the easy side for me. I close my eves, slow my heart rate, and then the visions begin. I also tend to notice, and get control of my breathing regularly throughout the day. It brings awareness to the moment at hand, whether it be in regards to business dealings, parenting, or simply driving. Lately, I have been learning about consciously flipping back and forth between body awareness and mind wandering; attempting to keep consciousness in perspective right along the side of living the day to day. You see, I also run a professional business. Being a mother, a wife, a professional and a medium all at the same time can be overwhelming. I just keep reminding myself to breathe, to bring my focus to the moment at hand and to write a lot of notes!! Notes are golden!!