The Brown Haired Girl

While doing the dishes, I get some crazy stuff that comes to me! I have no idea why it happens while doing the dishes, but it’s a common time for Spirit to contact me. Possibly, it’s when my mind is zoned out and I’m open to receiving.

One day, about 4 years ago, while doing the dishes a vision comes to me of a young woman’s body. She was lying on her back, covered with leaves and brush. Her long, straight brown hair was tangled and caught in the bushes and bramble around her. After showing me the area where she was, she showed herself healthy, and well. A moment later, a vision of her mother appeared. I began to feel sick at my stomach and filled with despair. My chest felt heavy. It was as though I had been robbed of all joy; as though my darkest fears had been realized.

For a few years prior to this, I had been getting names in my sleep. Dreams would come to me where I would see a person and they would shout a name to me. A handful of times, I would remember the name and Google it when I woke up. About 90% of the times that it’s happened, I could find the person’s picture and obituary. Once it was a 3 year old little girl who’s grandmother was grieving on Facebook. I watched a video clip of her dancing in her living room and completely lost it!

Naturally, like any caring person, I wanted to help these people! I wanted to find their lost loved one, or tell that grandmother that her baby granddaughter loves her and is safely still with her; but how? How do you contact someone from out of nowhere, as a complete stranger and reach into the MOST SENSITIVE wound of their life? I have always felt that it’s rude to answer unasked questions like this, or to assume that everyone will accept what I am saying with the love in which it is intended.

So getting back to the brown haired girl; I went looking for her. I grew giant “you know whats” and went to where I believed her to be.  I asked a dear friend to come with me. (Now that’s a friend! “Um, hey, ugh, I think that I know where a girl’s body is and I need to go find her. Wanna come with???”) We went tromping through the overgrowth by the river until I found where I thought she was. She led me to an area that was super thick with brush. I heard her say, “My body is in there.” It was frustrating because there was no way that I could safely get in there, and I couldn’t very well hack through the bush. It was getting dark and the water was raising up a bit. I became super uncomfortable and decided to leave.  Honestly, a good part of me was terrified! I have a weird fear of dead things; animals, etc., a fear of the river and finding a dead person by the river!!! BUT, with all of this going on in my mind, I went anyway…

I left feeling defeated and question the purpose of it all. It felt like I was being given information that I couldn’t do anything with. I mean, even if I had found her body, then what? What was I doing there? How did I know there was a body there? Instantly, I am a suspect. And what about my family? Was my I going to bring unnecessary complication to their lives by doing this? All of these thoughts and feelings stopped me in my tracks.

So, here we are now, about four years later. I’m doing the dishes and listening to  a podcast called The Unmistakable Creative, (You should check it out! Highly inspirational).  The speaker is talking about loss and the pain of not knowing. Within moments, the brown haired girl emerges and shows me a picture of her mother. “We’ve been here already!” I say to her. “I understand that her pain is horrendous, but I don’t know what else to do!” I plead. Then, it came to me; ask God. I stopped what I was doing, put down the soapy dish and said aloud, “Okay. God, if you wish for me to help in this way, then so be it. I am willing and will stay open minded, but my family needs to stay safe and I need instructions. Go ahead and make it happen.”

I later looked up “psychics and missing persons” and found that there are several gifted people that help detectives when needed. It’s actually a legit thing! Their testimony can’t be used in court, but a detective is allowed to consult them if felt helpful to the case. This made me feel so much better! Not to the point that I am going to grab a shovel and do digging, but still better!

Yesterday I did a channeling at a friend’s house. She had a friend of her come over to meet me. After a little while, her friend tells me the she works for the PD with evidence, and takes calls that come in regarding possible homcides. Coincidence? I think not!

Brown Haired Girl; there may be hope yet.

 

Glitching Out!

I’m finding lately that I have been getting stuck in the repetitious hum that resides in my mind. It’s like a sea of thoughts 100 miles wide and a million fathoms deep. Every thought has a line attached to it, leading to an emotion  that just hangs there, swaying back and forth with the current. Lately the current has been strong, but unfortunately, it flows in several directions. This has been tangling up my lines of thoughts and emotions; creating a giant mess. Have you ever been fishing? If you have, then you understand what it’s like to cast your line out into the water and suddenly your reel is filled with a bird’s nest of fishing line! That’s what’s been happening inside of me lately!

Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety. It rears it ugly head about once every couple of months. I made a decision, some time ago, to treat my symptoms holistically. The medication that I was on previously had some pretty severe side effects and I also found that it numbed me out. It was as though I was only part myself. No lows and no highs.  The dark recesses were much lighter, but I also had no moments of joy. It was as though my emotions were covered up under a layer of sludge. I also had very little conversation with Spirit. The “channel” was turned off.

I feel fairly certain that as my connection and awareness grows, my mind wants to make sense of it all. It is having difficulty merging the transcendent side of me with the every day mundane tasks, as well as my work related responsibilities. Hyper analyzing EVERYTHING around me in great detail and speed. I feel like I see everything, hear everything and feel myself as well as other’s emotions. It’s like I’m a giant nerve in a stadium full of people!

For many years, mediation has been a practice for me. What I have found is that there are many different kinds of meditation, as well as intensities. Meditation has always been on the easy side for me. I close my eves, slow my heart rate, and then the visions begin. I also tend to notice, and get control of my breathing regularly throughout the day. It brings awareness to the moment at hand, whether it be in regards to business dealings, parenting, or simply driving.  Lately, I have been learning about consciously flipping back and forth between body awareness and mind wandering; attempting to keep consciousness in perspective right along the side of living the day to day. You see, I also run a professional business. Being a mother, a wife,  a professional and a medium all at the same time can be overwhelming. I just keep reminding myself to breathe, to bring my focus to the moment at hand and to write a lot of notes!! Notes are golden!!

An Update On Ann

Visiting my Dr.’s office the other day, my adorable medical assistant let me know that Ann’s message was delivered. The nurse working with me at the infusion center held true and spread Ann’s message to the other nurses. It is reported that they were all touched by what she had to say.

This makes me sooo happy! I know that Ann would feel better knowing that her gratitude was received and that human kindness and love was propagated! YAY!!!

Hold Tight! I’m Working On it! LOL

So, I have been mulling over how to begin my blog. There’s so much to talk about and where to start is vexing. With that, I’ll just shoot from the hip.

I have a weird way about me. That’s not an insult to self, but a mere observation. Being vulnerable is a common practice of mine. Taking a moment to feel before I speak and then saying what I feel, paying attention to not filter my words for self preservation purposes; this is normal for me.

It’s very obvious that this isn’t “normal” with people! LOL Sometimes though, it’s received with the like. The other day at Target, the checker asked me how I was doing today? “Well”, I told him, “I’m stoked that I was able to find so many vegan chicken nuggets available today!” I love these damn things! 12 grams of protein in just 4 of them!!! Isn’t that unreal?! I think I had about 7 bags on the belt! Before I could continue to unload on the wonderment and awe of these morsels of goodness and their nutritional benefits, the kid jumped right in! “Ya! Seriously! These are good! I’ve had them before! I think they were a different brand though…” We went on to talk about how ridiculous it is that these “conscious” companies are using non-recyclable packaging. Anyway, the point is that I had this completely unexpected and awesome conversation with this twenty-something year old gentleman in under a 2 minute period in a checkout line. It was rad. I realize that nugget conversations aren’t the deepest of waters to swim in, or even life changing, (these nuggets come close) BUT, the fact that this person had no reservation to hold a conversation with a stranger when they only expected a canned response of “I’m fine. How are you?” was fantastic! He was hungry for conversation and willing to play. I just love people in these moments.  MORE OF THAT PLEASE!!!

Opposite end of the spectrum;

Me- “You know, I think that you’re an amazing and intelligent person. I’m grateful to have met you!”………..

Them- “Ummmmmmm….well o.k., I don’t know how to react to that!”….Followed by the ever familiar “Symphony of the Crickets”.

Actually, the more accurate opposite end is the raised eyebrow and the half laugh…

I think that it’s mostly shocking to hear unguarded speaking. There’s like this unspoken level that usual conversation stays at that most people adhere to. I love to smash the hell out of that and watch what happens. When, or if I find a player, then it’s friends for life!

Ann

The other day I went to the infusion center for an iron boost. My darling hubby joined me to help pass the time. As the nurse lead me to my amply sized recliner, I began to feel disoriented. It felt like I had had a few glasses of wine in the car before coming in! Apparently this was obvious to the nurse. She looked at me with a bit of concern. Then, it occurred to me what was happening. “Do you happen to treat cancer patients here?” I asked her. “Yes, we do!” she said. Bingo! “I am a Medium.” I told her, “I’m feeling a lot of energy here…” Expecting an eye roll or an “ugh, ok”, she reacted oppositely. “Ah! I was wondering what was going on!” With a chuckle, she replied.  And then the download of information began.

Me: “May I ask you a question?”

The Nurse: Sure!

Me: Did you have a patient that recently passed away that was younger? She seems like she was rather young to die of cancer…

The Nurse: Yes. I know who you are talking about. She was in her 40’s….

Me: Yes. She was 42, about to be 43.

The Nurse: Exactly! Wow! You’re good!

She went off to gather my paraphernalia. She wasn’t shook in any way.

As I sat waiting, the name Ann kept repeating, over and over in an even tone. I turned to my hubby and told him what was happening. I told him that I wanted to ask her if she knew who this was, but I was nervous. What if I was wrong? He encouraged me to ask her anyway. “What do you have to loose?” he said.

I gathered up my courage and when she returned, I asked her if the name “Ann” meant anything to her.  She looked at me and stopped what she was doing. “Did you say Ann? Yes! That name means a lot to me! I can’t believe you just said Ann. Ann was someone who was very important to us here. She was close to all of the nurses here. So she’s here???”

“Well, she’s showing me a big bouquet of flowers and wants you to know how much she cares for you guys too. She says that you are just as important to her as she was to you, and that you made things easier for her. She really appreciated what you did for her. She wants you to be sure and tell all of the nurses how she feels.”

She said that she would do so, and then walked away for a bit. Quite honestly, I was reeling. The names and energies kept pouring through to me. I understood that I was feeling disoriented because I was feeling people who had passed ages ago, as well as newly; from old to young. I was also feeling the emotions of those that were grieving within the walls of the hospital, both past and present. I don’t know that they all wanted to connect, necessarily; but it was a fantastic learning experience for me. The sheer volume of what was coming through was far more than I had ever experienced. It was awesome, wonderful and so very human. It was as though I was observing lifetimes of relationships between loved ones as well as the desperate desires, by both sides, to reconnect with one another.

Each experience that I have like this fuels my understanding of why I was given this gift.